Parenthetical

Dave’s life was going along just fine, until he applied for a job at a convenience store and ended up hired to work nights… forever. Turns out that Radu, the store owner, is a vampire, and it’s so much more efficient to sire yourself a night manager than hire one the regular way — no sick days, and you can make him work whenever you want. (In the Abel-verse, vampires are mystically compelled to do their sires’ bidding.)

Unfortunately, Dave hates being a vampire, and he’s not very good at it. He can’t bring himself to kill people, so he “lives” on leftovers from the blood bank. This secondhand blood keeps him going, but fails to imbue him with rad vampire powers like super-strength and hypnosis. He has a huge crush on Rosa, a girl who frequents the goth club across the parking lot from Radu’s store, but suave surfer vamp Wes also has the hots for Rosa. And did I mention Dave’s working 6 nights a week in a crappy convenience store? Life — or undeath, as the case may be — does indeed suck.

I expected this book to be good. I pretty much never get tired of a vampires-try-to-fit-into-the-modern-world premise, and the title alone bespoke an appealing slacker irony. I did not expect to tear right through it in one sitting and then foist it on boyfriend E, who spent the rest of the afternoon reading it and cracking up. As Leila of Bookshelves of Doom says, “It’s basically Clerks with vampires.” Life Sucks is awesome.

The best part is the snappy writing. Here’s sample conversation between Dave and Radu. It’s kind of long, but I can’t resist:

D: Hello?
R: “Hello” vhat?
D: Geez… “Hel-LO, Master, what is your bidding?”
R: Zat’s more like it!
D: What’s up?
R (resplendent in mullet, half-open shirt, and Freddy Mercury-stache): I am needing you to come to vurk.
D: Come to…? Radu! It’s my day off! What happened to Mouktar??
R: Vell, you know…
D: No, I don’t know.
R: Mouktar isn’t here. Technically.
D: Oh, God, not again…
R: He vas late, Dave! And I hadn’t had lunch. You know how cranky I get vhen I’m hungry!
D: Radu! Mouktar was awesome! Honest, hard-working, willing to work nights!
R: Vhat can I say? Anyhow, you must vurk Mouktar’s shift.
D: No way!
R: I command it.
D: Urgh! Yes, Master. (Hangs up.)
Carl, Dave’s human college buddy and roommate: It’s so weird that you have a “master”!

Virtually all of the relationships are complex and ring true. The vampire mythos is familiar, but Abel has really made it her own — rather a feat, I think, considering how easy it would have been to crib off Anne Rice or Buffy or Stephenie Meyer. And the ending? Is dark, dark, dark, in a powerful way that’s still creeping me out a week later.

Comment here